The Funeral

We had Mary Lynn's funeral the Monday after Easter Sunday. I really didn't have much to do with the planing of the funeral. I really wasn't in a state to do much of the planing. I had just given birth and I just didn't want to deal with planing the funeral. My Dad and Mom are actually the ones who met with the funeral directors and made most of the plans. I am so thankful for them. I had so many family and friends helping me with everything. God has blessed me in so many ways, more than I deserve.
Mary Lynn was buried in a little cemetery in Beaverdam. Her burial spot was just one of the many things given to us from family and friends. My Dad had written a letter and read it during the funeral. I didn't know he was planning to do that. It was a wonderful gift, it meant the world to me. God also blessed us with beautiful weather. Just another blessing he gave us.

I have to admit I didn't think I was going to feel the way I felt during the burial service. It was another reality check. I didn't want to leave her again. I know how silly that sounds. I hated the days between the hospital and funeral. I hated thinking of where my baby was those days and nights. I hated to think of her all alone, without her family. I knew her soul was really in Heaven. I knew that really wasn't Mary Lynn in that little coffin. But I sill felt so attached to her body. I knew that once I left they would bury her. I couldn't move a muscle. My pastor finally came up to me and asked what I wanted to do. The burial service was done and everyone was just standing around, not really knowing what to do. I told him that I wanted to be alone with her. So he instructed everyone to go to the church. That's where they could give us their condolences and enjoy some cake and ice cream. After a little while, my dad came up to me and said it was time to go and that she will always be there. I prayed again to God for his help to get me to move from the chair. After I prayed my daughter Lily, who was almost 4yrs old, came up to me and said "Mom can we leave now? There won't be any cake and ice cream left!" I couldn't help but laugh. Another prayer answered and God still holding my hand. I said my final goodbyes to Mary Lynn and we left.

My pastor couldn't believe how many people showed up to the burial service. I was overwhelmed myself. You really don't know how blessed you are and how many loved ones God gives you, until you go through a loss. That is one thing I try to remember today. I want to be a better person for losing Mary Lynn. The sad thing is I know I can still do better. It's something I think I will always have to work on.

The set up at the church was really nice. My sister-in-law, Jodi, put all the pictures and the blanket Great Grandma Boersen made for Mary Lynn during my pregnancy on display. My cousins, Jennifer and Sarah, put together a DVD of all the pictures the photographer took. She put some really beautiful songs to them and made copies for any one who wanted one. This is also after she and my sister-in-law Gail watched our three children for three nights. These wonderful ladies are just a few of the many blessings we have in our lives.
When everyone had left the church I asked my dad about the funeral bill. I wanted to know how much we owed and how we had to pay. To my surprise he informed me that the whole bill was taken care of. Certain family member's donated money towards the funeral. Another Blessing!! I still don't know the names of everyone that donated money. I hope I can repay the kindness and love we received during this time. Greg and I are so thankful for everyone and everything that was given to us!

Later that afternoon I went back to her grave. I just wanted to be there. They had already buried her. I thought this was supposed to bring me peace and closure. I didn't feel peace or closure. At that time I didn't think I would ever feel "normal" again. I would learn in coming months and years that God will heal all wounds.